Yeah ... Christmas is Going to be Better this Year.

So last Christmas ... no I did not give you my heart, but the very next day, you gave it away.

No, last Christmas, I was covered in hives.

I had some allergic reaction to something, I think it was green peppers but it was never confirmed, and a week before Christmas I was covered head to toe in crazy red itchy hives. I looked like a science experiment. Needless to say, prepping for the holidays was next to impossible while trying to fight my way out of the Benadryl coma I was in. Although when I had to take steroids to help with the reaction, I got A LOT done.

So Christmas last year was weird; I wasn't into it, I felt awful, and the whole thing just felt like it was something I needed to get through.

THIS Christmas, I am feeling merry. Very!

Decorations are up. Tree is decorated. Gifts purchased. Menu chosen. Carols sung on a daily basis, thanks to a toddler who loves them. His excitement has been positively contagious. I am even making cookies with my little guy on Christmas Eve, despite the high odds that we will both end up covered in flour.

Hey, it's better than hives.

And I'm really looking forward to Christmas Eve night with the hubs. Christmas Eve has always been a more quiet, cozy time than the rest of the holiday. It's the soft quiet before the frenzy; a chance to sit together, talk, and think of Christmases past -- living in crappy apartments, or being apart at our respective families' houses because we weren't married yet -- and be really thankful for how far we've come and the family we've built together.

I don't take many opportunities to slow down and think of what I have -- I'm usually too busy looking to accomplish what I haven't -- so it's always nice to take a moment, reminisce, and be grateful.

As the World Turns ...

... I'm just kind of existing right now. Hence, the lack of a post lately. My life is interfering with my blogging! :P

We've had a few family/life things to attend to lately, as well as work, play, and general family time. We're trying to enjoy the last few weeks of summer, basking in the glow of a successfully accomplished Awesome Summer Plan. I never thought I would like summer after being a kid, but this year we had a great time. I like summer again. Yay!

But ... I LOVE fall. Like full-on butterflies in my stomach oh my god is it here yet when can I start making stews and baking not to mention holiday time LOVE it. I'm watching preseason football games, people. This is how much I am looking forward to fall (and football - if you think I am crazy about fall, I am barely tolerable during football season. LOVE.)

I'm also being a bit of a lazy slug because work is ramping up for the last two quarters of the year and the monthly trips to North Carolina are starting up again. I'm kind of bummed that the lazy summer days are almost over, but I'm kind of excited to get back to a routine. Tom just started his school year so it feels like everything is back in order.

So ... an Awesome Fall Plan, maybe? Not sure - my fall seasons almost always tend to be awesome, so I may not need a plan. But the Cooking by Instinct Plan is still on; I just need to get to it. I just posted a Brown Sugar Cookie recipe on Tasty Kitchen; check it out!

On Dropping Hints

A friend of mine just mentioned that the people included in her nanny share have a filthy house and while she's kind of appalled about it, she doesn't want to be a total bitch and tell them their house is funkay. She jokingly said she might drop a hint about how her cleaning service is so awesome.

There is nothing more embarrassing (yes, I'm being a bit dramatic) than being overweight and saying that you love to watch The Biggest Loser. Because inevitably, the person you're talking to raises their eyebrow like "Oh yeah? Gathered any tips on how to deal with your chunky ass?" And the hints, they come a-droppin'.

How do you tell someone that you've been in a life-long battle and right now, with a crazy job, a toddler, and a husband you're trying not to forget in the shuffle that you're just TIRED? I mean, without unloading some seriously raw shit to someone with whom you're just casually chatting.

I've been fat since I was 8 years old. I was a skinny, skinny kid and then around third grade, I just got HUNGRY. I was 131 pounds when I was 10 years old. Although compared to TBL's Ron who just admitted that he was 200 pounds when he was 9, I guess I was pretty svelte, but not compared to my skinnier classmates back in 1988. And it just roller-coastered from there: Fatty-fat until age 15 when I went on Jenny Craig and lost a bunch of weight and was finally "normal"; developed a bit of a bulimia habit in my last year of HS and early college years; gained later in college and the first years in the workforce; lost a bunch before my wedding on Weight Watchers; gained; lost; got pregnant (at my heaviest weight ever, fun!) but had an awesome pregnancy and dropped the weight pretty quickly (about 9 months); now I'm working on my fat girl weight. 70 pounds to go.

But I've been working on those 70 pounds for a long time and I'm stalled right now. Not sure if it's the big drop in weight over the last year (about 60 pounds of both pregnancy weight and fat girl weight) or what. With so far to go it can get frustrating.

Until those mofos on TBL get on their scales every season and blow away past numbers of being huge. Even after losing 115 pounds, this season's Kristen is still heavier than I am. Granted, she will be a stick by the finale and I'll probably still be at my weight, but for now, this is solace. Yeah, it's inspirational that they are changing their lives and yay isn't that awesome, but some of my pleasure in watching TBL is in the small vindication I get when people have basically killed themselves and my ass is on the couch eating a cookie and we're the same. For one brief moment, we're same.

And I got to have cookies.

What I'd love to tell Kristen, though, is that I follow her because we are now very similar in weight and I do find inspiration in her--her efforts do push me to maybe eat one less cookie while parked on the couch. If nothing else, she's inspiration to stay at least a few pounds below her so I can continue my smugfest. Hey, it's inspiration nonetheless.