The Waiting Game

Why hello, all two of my readers! I know, I've been gone for a bit. So what's up with me lately?

I've been applying for business school! Yes, before taking the GMAT because I was smart enough to schedule my test *after* most application deadlines! I am smart, S-M-R-T. So I have also applied for a GMAT waiver. Everything has been mailed off, so I should hear from the school ... sometime, I guess. The official deadline is August 2.

I've been taking pre-requisite modules in case I get into the school. Yes, you have to take these before you find out if you're accepted, so that you have enough time to complete everything before the MBA program begins. Since I majored in English as an undergrad, I have to take ... all 6 of the pre-reqs. Which in time spent going "wha?" and furiously taking tons of notes adds up to eleventy bajillion hours of modules. I've gotten into a routine and stuff is actually making sense now. How do I know? I tried explaining to Tom how to figure out predetermined overhead in order to calculate proper cost per unit using normal costing and he looked at me like I had three heads. I mean maybe I did have three heads at the time, but I think he was just awed by my awesome grasp of managerial accounting.

Diet and exercise are going alright. Still working out with Jillian via 30DS although I've been itching to get back on my treadmill lately, so I may alternate. I hit a wicked plateau after dropping a quick 6 pounds after signing on with Lose It on my iPhone. Luckily patience (and not diving into a Costco-sized bag of Swedish Fish) kept me on track and as of this week I am losing again. Woo!

I've got about 2 weeks before fulfilling my promise to post a pic of myself in my bridesmaid dress, so my weight picked a good time to start dropping again.

The container garden is going well. Still waiting on tomatoes and green peppers to get going, though.

It's way easier to wait for the veggies than the answer from school.

Traveling and Plans and Projects, Oh My!

Yes, it's been a few weeks!

I've spent the last three weeks traveling to Nashville (before the floods), North Carolina, and Ohio. Then I promptly got sick last week and am continuing to battle allergies this week. It's been an awesome few weeks.

Despite the travel and sickness and general malaise, there has been progress on several plans/projects. I have managed to not kill anything in my container garden -- in fact, stuff is growing! I've narrowed down my business school options and am now trying to figure out how to afford any of them. I'm still working out, doing the 30 Day Shred again. So sore am I. I've also started tracking my weight with the LoseIt! program - more to make sure my portions and calories don't start creeping up (like they did when I was traveling. Well actually, the calories didn't so much creep as make leaps and bounds; hello, lemon martinis and grapefruit gimlets and wine and copious amounts of delicious restaurant food).

The family is good. B is still potty training and I am continually amazed at the power of M&Ms as a motivating factor. His birthday will be here before I know it and then I'll sit and wonder how the hell I have a three year and have managed to not break him yet. Tom has some cool things going on and his school year is almost over; then it will officially be summer.

Finally, my bridesmaid dress arrived about a week and a half ago. I'm feeling so poofy that I have yet to admit that it's here or take a picture of myself in it. I'm giving myself a month to get my act together and then I am posting a picture no matter what. It will serve as good motivation, or public humiliation, or most likely, both!

Feel the (Fat)Burn

In my last entry I wrote that I missed running. I did, to a point; I guess more than anything, I missed *moving*. Being active, feeling good and not like an asthmatic 90-year-old.

So I got back on the treadmill. And immediately hated running again. It's just my nature: miss something, get nostalgic, take it up again and realize I stopped for a reason. Kind of like that time I thought I could wear jelly shoes in high school when they came back in the mid 90s. Yeah, not so much.

Anyway, my realization about hating running did not deter me from trying new things on the treadmill - mostly, the Fatburn program. In addition to the hopeful-sounding goal of the program, I'm enjoying the challenge of walking fast enough that I could run, but have to walk because my incline is at 6 or 7. I've even worked in a bit of jogging into the routine. Leg muscles I didn't know I had are sore after doing this program; overall this feels harder than jogging/running on a 1 incline, but I enjoy it so much more. Leave it to me to like something more difficult. That's also my nature.

The lesson learned? Branch out; don't feel like you have to subscribe to an exercise or plan because everyone says that's the fastest way to reach your goal. For the longest time I pushed myself to run because I thought that's what I had to do to make progress. Turns out it's a lot more effective to do what I enjoy and I'm more likely to stick with it. Why has it taken all these years for me to realize this?? I'm a little stubborn sometimes.

This realization has kick-started a movement for me in pursuing other goals as well - I'm more willing to look at alternatives to accomplish what I want rather than hold on to a notion of how I'm "supposed" to do things. It's quite freeing (and scary and kind of stressful, but I'll go with "freeing" for now).

Same Old, Same Old

Still working away on this cleanse thing. Lost another pound last week for a total of 8.5 in three weeks. Not bad for my slow-losing self! 31.5 pounds to go ...

Can we talk for a quick minute about The Biggest Loser this season? I was so inspired last season by Shay and Abby and their respective stories, and this season ... meh. It's still incredible to see everyone shed the weight so quickly, but I'm not super into it this season. Methinks they're just airing seasons too close together. Then I caught a TLC special on season 3's winner Eric, the one who gained most of his weight back and is now trying to lose it again. I would have felt sorry for his gains if I wasn't more concerned about his narcissistic need to be on TV all the time. Guy's got bigger problems than an addiction to fast food.

Otherwise, it's just the same old routine for us as we head into Spring, although this is the busy season. My head is already spinning with all of the projects I need to complete by end of Q2 and the Q hasn't even started yet! The husband is also frantic as he hurries to complete the school yearbook by the end of the month. Right as he gets to breathe a sigh of relief, I start traveling in April and May. Good times!

But yes, it's the same old routine ... I really need to think of how to make our busy lives a little more fun/interesting as it warms up outside. We can't save *all* of the fun for summer. Perhaps an Awesome Spring Plan? If I have time, that is.

As the Cleanse Turns ...

So the first two weeks of this cleanse thing have gone well!

Although I have had white carbs. And Swedish Fish. And cake. Just not all the time.

And I'm down 7.5 pounds in two weeks so I can't be screwing up too badly ... yet. But, and this is what is bugging me, I haven't really started getting active again. I really need to get me arse on my treadmill. I finally seem to be coming out of my winter funk (thank goodness warmer weather is here), now I just need to DO IT.

One thing I have done, bittersweetly, is cancel my Weight Watchers online account. It was great for helping me lose my pregnancy weight and then some, but I've stalled so much and I haven't been using it and by now, I know what portions to eat. I know when I've eaten too much. It's not about awareness for me anymore; it's about something emotional for me that an online tracker just can't address. I did have good progress with it though and do recommend it for those who need a good place to start for their weight loss.

I've also taken some other steps to help with some other things that have been holding me back ... not sure whether I want to open up about that yet or not. I feel like it's too early right now.

But yes, good progress so far! Let's see ... about 8 months until the bridesmaid dress.32.5 pounds to go.

So Yeah ... I've Been Away for a While

Not even on purpose ... January just took over my life and it seems like 2010 is going to be just as crazy and hectic as last year, if this past month has been any indication.

I need to get back to using this blog to make myself honest - I haven't hit the treadmill in a while and I like being all dorky with my various plans and projects. I'll get back to it soon.

Especially since I'm close to ordering my bridesmaid dress for November and have to find some magical way to drop 40 pounds by November 6 ... plus I need to drop that chunk of weight anyway. It's about time.

Think I can look foxy in this? This chick seems to be feeling her oats:

New Year, New Me?

So the holidays were good -- it felt like a sprint to the finish, but good overall. Lots of family time, good food, and hanging out. Having a wondrous two and a half year old who fully believes in Santa and fRosty the Snowman greatly imporved my enjoyment of the season.

So now, the NEW YEAR. A time for resolutions. Maybe a vow that with a new year will come a new me?

Nah, not really. I like a lot of parts of who I am already. But that doesn't mean I'm not up for change and improvement!

I am making a commitment to continue making fitness and eating well a major part of my life. I have also learned enough about myself over the last year to know that while I do enjoy my treadmill, races are not for me. So I'm not going to do them. I am bringing strength training though, via my favorite yelling Biggest Loser trainer. I'm just doing her 30 Day Shred DVD and some other workouts. Hopefully this will help round out the jogging so the flab can go bye bye. Please, let it go bye bye.

I'm also going to try and perfect a combination of being realistic, compassionate, semi-dead-inside (for business purposes) and snarky. Lately I have been sacrificing one or two of those traits and indulging in the other. I like that I'm all of these things, but when they come out of balance, a lot of my life suffers because of it.

It will take care in both my personal thoughts and actions, but I think I can do it. It's all about growing. Personally, not ass-wise, that is.

Work it Out, Work it Out.

So I jogged last night and it was fine. I was a little slower than usual, but not too far off of my usual pace of ... 13 minutes per mile.

Ha! Yes, you read right. I think the tortoise, the hare, and the entire fable-tastic forest would beat my ass in a race. But whatever, I'm doing it and I will be done in under an hour, which is all that the race people require. Done.

I'm jogging again tonight so that I can squeeze in three jogs for this week. We have Little Gym tomorrow night and you know, I just CAN'T miss that. Because nothing caps off a long workday like 20 simultaneous toddler meltdowns over who gets to do a forward roll on the cheese mat first.

So, yes. Three jogs this week and well on my way to hopefully not embarrassing myself on November 21.

Tonight when The Biggest Loser theme song asks me what have I done today to make me feel proud, I'll know. Aw yeah.

My Weekly Therapy Session is Back ...

... AKA The Biggest Loser.

The new season kicked off last night and as usual, there are some seriously overweight people with some serious problems. I couldn't help but tear up hearing Abby's story: She lost her husband, 5 year old, and 2 week old in a fatal car accident. I told my husband that I would not only be heavier than her if that happened to me--I would be dead and gone. How do you come back from that, much less decide to put yourself through this show? She is amazing.

Of course I had to do the "How do I stack up to the women?" when it came time for weigh-in. I'm happy to report that unlike last season, which started back in January 09, I am officially lighter than the starting weight of every female contestant this season.

It seems dumb, but that was a big motivator for me. My husband and I joke that we gain weight during TBL because the extreme workouts, crying, and drama just make you want to sit down and binge sometimes. Happy to say, I did not have cookies this time (though I did have a few cups of low-fat popcorn). And as I watched these people sweat their way through their first workouts, I was both admiring and grateful. Because I remember what it was like to be wheezing and sweating and wanting to die after 15 minutes. I'm grateful that even though I am the slowest jogger on earth, I'm doing it anyway and I'm getting better at it.

This season will be interesting; I'm hoping I can continue to stay ahead of the women for as long as I can. Too bad I don't have a Jillian to scream in my face.

A Long Road

It's kind of dark and moody out, and I'm feeling contemplative this morning.

Friday is my weigh-in day for my Weight Watchers online program. I just logged my weight and sighed--yes, I was down, that's great. But then I was thinking of how the weight I just logged is still SO heavy. It's easy to get discouraged.

But then I thought: You've come so far from where you were two years ago.

Confession time! I was 289 pounds when I came home from the hospital with my son in July 2007. 11 pounds from 300 pounds.

300. POUNDS.

WTF, Me? I remember sobbing when I got on the scale. Even though I knew a good bit of that weight was the bloating from post-surgery drugs, it was still an insane amount of weight.

I remember in high school, after finally losing weight and looking somewhat normal, being terrified of going over 150 pounds. I remember third year of college, when I actually hit the 200 pound mark I had been terrified of for so long. Then 2001, when I hit 240 pounds, the heaviest I had been ever. Then getting down to 203 for my wedding and being thrilled that I was beginning two new chapters in life: marriage and healthy living. Then November 2006, when I found out I was pregnant at 247 pounds. What was I doing to myself? What happened to the girl from 2003?

Luckily, I had a healthy pregnancy weight gain (about 25 pounds when I was admitted for delivery) and the weight came off FAST post partum -- I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight less than a year after having my baby. Most moms would rejoice; I remember thinking that yay, I was down 42 pounds, but look at the road I still had to travel.

I'm traveling, though. I'm below 247, but confession time is over for now. Everything is still such a work in progress, and while I'm proud of what I've done so far, it's hard not to get caught up in what still needs to be done. It's getting to a point where I wonder if I'll ever be below 200 again in my lifetime ... but I'm trying to stay positive. I know if it's ever going to happen, I need to be more aware of my history than ever, or I'm bound to repeat it.

Hopefully I'll be able to confess some more (long gone weights) in due time. In the meantime, more treadmill jogging awaits tonight.

Awesome Summer Plan - Oh it's ON!

I'm Type A. I like to plan. Hence the 50 million plans I have going on at all times, some of which were listed in my last post.

I mentioned an Awesome Summer Plan last week. After having an awesome weekend, I figured hey, let's make this weekend the model for our summer.

Elements of the Awesome Summer Plan:

Stay home more. Considering how much havoc traveling for work and family wreaked on my life this spring, I want to stay home as much as possible this summer. Being home means long evenings playing in the backyard, beers on the deck, home cooked meals, and low pressure.

Local entertainment. We hit the local farmers market this weekend, scored some great produce and grass-fed beef, then we went home and ate it. It was yummy. We plan to lather, rinse, repeat. I like the philosophy of eating local, reinforced by my current book, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle by Barbara Kingsolver. We're embracing local restaurants, venues, attractions. Why waste all of that gas schlepping around, anyway?

Get over my fear/hatred of hot weather and its fashion. I hate being hot. HATE. I'm usually a mess during the summer because I have so many hangups about my body that I practically wear fall-ish clothes all year (pants/cardigans/light sweaters), with the occasional short-sleeved shirt thrown in. This year I'm done with that crap. I've already worn my first dress of the season (gasp!) and I plan to wear short sleeves, skirts, dresses, and whatever other warm-weather staples will make me more comfortable. Maybe even shorts! Look at me, brave girl! People will just have to get over my flabby pale self. I'm finally starting to.

Stop whining and do something about fitness. My personal local food movement doesn't really include my good pals Ben & Jerry, so I'm OK on the food front. Now, to fitness. I've joined and quit a gym, taken classes, tried just walking around the neighborhood, blah blah. Nothing sticks. The only thing I have ever been able to do with some regularity is hit the treadmill. Yes, it can be dreadfully boring, but I always do it. I need one for my house so I can stop bitching about not having time to hit the gym. I'm buying one as a birthday present to myself. I've managed to lose 65 pounds in 2 years -- it's really time to get the rest of this weight off. Plus I need an excuse to compose more random mixes on iTunes.

So there's the plan. I'm ready and excited. No pressure, just time with my guys, my house, and my 'hood. Pale legs be damned.

More Plans

I'm just plugging along, getting projects done -- both professional and personal.

Up next in the personal projects? Another book (possibly The Thirteenth Tale, it seems like a fun spooky read) and some sort of Physical Activity plan. I've got figure out something to do with myself to spur the rest of my weight loss. I'm trying not to obsess about the weight like usual, yet still stay motivated. It's difficult.

My son has already embraced his physical activity: Little Gym classes this summer. He'll be a Beast. And I'll try not to lunge at the first kid who knocks him over during class. Hey, I have restraint! Sort of.

As for the rest of the plans:

The Get More Sleep plan started out strong this week and has faltered a bit, but I'm getting back to it tonight. The Cook More at Home plan included a family meal last night courtesy of my husband, and I made homemade chicken stock. I feel so Ina Garten!

Now I need an Awesome Summer plan. We'll see how that goes; I may need to implement a Don't Blind People with Your Paleness plan first.